5. STUDYING- if you need to study, moving to a ghetto city is a great way to make sure that that happens. if you were to open up your windows and look out, and all you saw were 160 year old buildings, broken bridges and cement, there’s no way you would be inticed to leave the library or your room to abandon the books. statistics show that living in the ghetto greatly increases the likelihood of studying. it also increases the likelihood for other things, but that’s beside the point. for me, maybe it’s a good idea that i’m going to law school in the ghetto.
4. MACE- you remember that pepper spray you bought at jester city limits cuz you heard how ‘dangerous’ austin is and how sketchy west campus is at nights. well, you never used your pepper spray, and neither did carly valenza. and you know what, your pepper spray is probably feeling a bit neglected by now. so whataya do? switch towns. and this time, you’re armed and ready- in a place where you need to be armed. once again, the stats prove my point.
3. FRESH PRINCE!! – we all watched will smith on fresh prince growing up. he showed up in bellaire all cool, all fly, all street… well maybe not the last part- but he was definitely upping me in the cool sector. and how did this happen? lemme quote the intro song “in west PHILADELPHIA born and raised.” philadelphia=prime example of ghetto city. philly made prince fresh, not bellaire. philly.
2. POPULARITY/LOVE- the great part of moving away to a ghetto city alone is that you get to come back home for christmas or the summer and tell family and friends all about it. when living far and away, people automatically give you more attention, but when you start busting out stories of near death encounters, your popularity will soar to the skies. granted you may not have actually lived IN the ghetto but away from it in the burbs- but that’s okay, dont tell anyone. sell your stories and you’ll probably get more christmas presents.
1. TRENDINESS– the ghetto is trendy right now, it’s like going green but not. making poverty history and offering high education for those who don’t have the opportunity- those are all things that Bono is rooting for- and he is so cool right now. julia roberts may recycle and bury compost in her backyard, but she has nothing on Bono. it’s like how every hipster christian has read the ‘irrisistable revolution,’ going into to the ghetto is so the thing to do. and besides, Jesus did it too.